Socially Conscious Humorist Pillows

"Please hurry, you have only five minutes!"

Ethics exam cheater.

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

Woman's T-Shirt says 'Baby', Man's says '35 Lbs. Ugly Fat'.

The Militant Unionist

"Would you consider selling me the TV and movie rights to what you just told me?"

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

Shy Man at Party

"Wisdom is growing your hair long so the hairs growing in your ears don't show

'It might be all right for some but I'll not have anyone tinkering with my subconscious. Anyway, supposing they found I hadn't got one!'

Cheeky Devil and Thief LTD

'Be honest. Do I have ugly feet?'

Me at 22 vs. me at 29

'Naughty or nice? - I suppose you mean by White male standards, right?'

'The government says income tax rebates may be late because the defence department maxed out on its credit cards again...'

'It's a social-climbing wall.'

"This is first-quarter projected-earnings report--does it make my butt look big?"

"The point is, Hutchens, a younger man could jump higher."

Two Men Dining.

'There's nothing wrong with you, but I'd still like to operate on you. There's a sweet motorcycle I'd like to buy, and I need the money.'

Refusing to shake hands

"We'll be catering the school dance!"

'On one hand, I'm ashamed to sell nothing but cheap crap. On the other hand, I'm glad I make a lot of money doing it, so I don't have to buy cheap crap...'

'I'm curious about your out-of-body experience. As you floated above your hospital bed, how noticeable was my bald spot?'

"That's my new mantra. . . 'woulda coulda shoulda'?"

"Now remember Gerard, don't stare. Enid's aged since you last saw her and a little self-conscious about her crow's feet."

"A lot of people say that absence is my best feature."

'By the way, I usually sneeze in twos. So that's another interesting thing about me.'

"Whadda we want?"

'With all the cards and wrapping paper, there's so much more recycling after Christmas.' (Hundreds of booze bottle behind him)

"It suits me, doesn't it? And it's not unethical because it's from a climatologist!"

'It's so hard getting seated here... would you care to join me and my friends?'

"I'd like you to meet Nan and Leo, but I think you already know Nan from back when it was Nan and Ralph."