Socially Conscious Humorist Pillows

"Please hurry, you have only five minutes!"

Ethics exam cheater.

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

Woman's T-Shirt says 'Baby', Man's says '35 Lbs. Ugly Fat'.

"Would you consider selling me the TV and movie rights to what you just told me?"

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

The Militant Unionist

Always let you conscience be your guide. I let my conscience be my guide, but it's non-binding.

Shy Man at Party

Cheeky Devil and Thief LTD

"Wisdom is growing your hair long so the hairs growing in your ears don't show

'It might be all right for some but I'll not have anyone tinkering with my subconscious. Anyway, supposing they found I hadn't got one!'

'Be honest. Do I have ugly feet?'

Me at 22 vs. me at 29

"This is first-quarter projected-earnings report--does it make my butt look big?"

'It's a social-climbing wall.'

'Naughty or nice? - I suppose you mean by White male standards, right?'

Two Men Dining.

'The government says income tax rebates may be late because the defence department maxed out on its credit cards again...'

"The point is, Hutchens, a younger man could jump higher."

'There's nothing wrong with you, but I'd still like to operate on you. There's a sweet motorcycle I'd like to buy, and I need the money.'

'On one hand, I'm ashamed to sell nothing but cheap crap. On the other hand, I'm glad I make a lot of money doing it, so I don't have to buy cheap crap...'

"That's my new mantra. . . 'woulda coulda shoulda'?"

'I'm curious about your out-of-body experience. As you floated above your hospital bed, how noticeable was my bald spot?'

"Now remember Gerard, don't stare. Enid's aged since you last saw her and a little self-conscious about her crow's feet."

"A lot of people say that absence is my best feature."

'By the way, I usually sneeze in twos. So that's another interesting thing about me.'

"Whadda we want?"

"We'll be catering the school dance!"

Refusing to shake hands

'With all the cards and wrapping paper, there's so much more recycling after Christmas.' (Hundreds of booze bottle behind him)

"It suits me, doesn't it? And it's not unethical because it's from a climatologist!"

"He failed at hunting, and gathering was beneath him."