Social Aware Humorist Pillows

'You mean someone has been trying to steal your identity?'

Ethics exam cheater.

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

Woman's T-Shirt says 'Baby', Man's says '35 Lbs. Ugly Fat'.

"Would you consider selling me the TV and movie rights to what you just told me?"

Ron and Nancy Reagan.

The Militant Unionist

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"At work, they call me benchmark."

Shy Man at Party

I'm no good at small talk

Cheeky Devil and Thief LTD

Two Men Dining.

'It's a social-climbing wall.'

'Naughty or nice? - I suppose you mean by White male standards, right?'

Me at 22 vs. me at 29

"The point is, Hutchens, a younger man could jump higher."

'The government says income tax rebates may be late because the defence department maxed out on its credit cards again...'

'There's nothing wrong with you, but I'd still like to operate on you. There's a sweet motorcycle I'd like to buy, and I need the money.'

Donald Trump sinks GOP boat

'I'm curious about your out-of-body experience. As you floated above your hospital bed, how noticeable was my bald spot?'

'On one hand, I'm ashamed to sell nothing but cheap crap. On the other hand, I'm glad I make a lot of money doing it, so I don't have to buy cheap crap...'

"We'll be catering the school dance!"

"Whadda we want?"

"Now remember Gerard, don't stare. Enid's aged since you last saw her and a little self-conscious about her crow's feet."

"A lot of people say that absence is my best feature."

'By the way, I usually sneeze in twos. So that's another interesting thing about me.'

Refusing to shake hands

"It suits me, doesn't it? And it's not unethical because it's from a climatologist!"

"He failed at hunting, and gathering was beneath him."

'It's so hard getting seated here... would you care to join me and my friends?'

'Oh... and this must be the little lady.'

"I'd like you to meet Nan and Leo, but I think you already know Nan from back when it was Nan and Ralph."