Troubled King Gifts

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"Surprise!"

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

The Unhappy King

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

The Royal Wii

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

"He lives in a block of flats"

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

'You might want to try another photographer, Sire. This one tends to cut the heads off.'

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

"If I had it all to do over again, I would have liked to be the King of Swing."

'I know it seems like a war, but it's actually an all-out struggle for peace!'

"King and clown—why can't I be both?"

'Well, you DID know this job was dangerous when you took it.'

"Friend or foe?"

"They call me the king of railroad salvage - 'they' being my wife, actually."

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."

'It's just until the election is over, but I'm replacing you with Dick Morris.'

"Why, this is fit for me!"

"I don't know. Lately, everything looks like Jackie Kennedy to me."

'I wish you wouldn't bring work home with you!'