King-in-training Gifts

"Congratulations - you may already be King!"

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

Rap music

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

"Where the hell's my Slinky?"

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

The Unhappy King

"Are you sure how to use a baitcaster?"

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

The Royal Wii

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

'Don't worry. I'm using carpet shampoo.'

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

“I’m robbing the Sheriff of Nottingham’s coach at ten-thirty. Then yoga at noon. Followed by my bassoon lesson. The baguette is for lunch.”

'What a bunch of control freaks!'

'I'm studying how other geniuses handled creative blocks.'

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

Martin Luther King and Obama.

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

'You might want to try another photographer, Sire. This one tends to cut the heads off.'

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

"You know, son, you're not going to get anywhere just gliding around all the time!"

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

"If I had it all to do over again, I would have liked to be the King of Swing."

'I know it seems like a war, but it's actually an all-out struggle for peace!'

"We lost another battle? Why does this keep happening?"

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

'I wish you wouldn't bring work home with you!'

"They call me the king of railroad salvage - 'they' being my wife, actually."

'Well, you DID know this job was dangerous when you took it.'