Trial Talker Gifts

'Well, I've never called an expert witness on expert witnesses before...'

Trial by Media

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"You can't plead cute."

The Jose Padilla Experience

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

Tell me a deposition, mommy.

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

Santa uses his interviewing skills on his second job, too.

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"That settles it. I'm moving for a retrial."

"I really wanted to get you off but I didn't want to make a mockery of Justice."

"May I treat him as a hostile lawyer?"

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

Counsel's Opinion.

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

"Your honor, we were having so much fun being sequestered, we forgot what the defendant is charged with."

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

'Sir, we have a problem. The attorney section is totally overcrowded!' (demon to Satan)

'Oh, sure -- NOW you set boundaries!'

Law Offices

Closing arguments.

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

'You didn't 'win' anything, just declared not guilty.'

'There is something I have been meaning to mention since I was named to the Supreme Court... I've never actually read the Constitution.'

"Isn't it true, Mr. Sheppard, that you are, in fact, the 'party of the first part'?"