Therapeutic Talker Gifts

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

"I feel off. I want to feel off and running."

'The only part of my body that defies gravity is my age.'

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

'You know, if you had one of those bumper stickers, I wouldn't be in doggy-therapy.'

"I just feel like I'm constantly disappointing parents everytime I appear on report cards."

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

"On the weekend I finally beat the club pro...so I don't need you anymore!"

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

“What if I tell you the card you are thinking of is … the Jack of Hearts ?”

Santa uses his interviewing skills on his second job, too.

'Therapy in L.A.'

"So has this obsession about your weight ever led to thoughts of suicide?"

'Life isn't fair! Most of the stuff I worried about over the years never even happened!'

"O.K. What part of 'malignant regression and pathogenic reintrojection as a defense against psychic decompensation' don't you understand?"

"But it would be rude to raise taxes on my friends."

"I feel used."

'What's the difference between solitude and loneliness, doctor?'

Introverted Chair

"This isn't a bad time to be out of touch with reality."

"I'm on Twitter and I get the feeling I'm not being followed."

"I know marriage is a partnership, but I didn't realise I'd be the silent partner."

"I was born into the wrong color. I'm not pink, Oh, doc, I'm so depressed..."

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'Of course you're not a failure... you can afford my fees can't you?'

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

Number Phobia.

"Lately, I've become more spiritual, and less religious."

'Do you mind if I take the rest of the session to get your input on investor psychology?'

"You've got to want to connect the dots, Mr. Michaelson."

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'