Therapeutic Talker Gifts

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

"I feel off. I want to feel off and running."

'You know, if you had one of those bumper stickers, I wouldn't be in doggy-therapy.'

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

"I just feel like I'm constantly disappointing parents everytime I appear on report cards."

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

“What if I tell you the card you are thinking of is … the Jack of Hearts ?”

'Therapy in L.A.'

"On the weekend I finally beat the club pro...so I don't need you anymore!"

"So has this obsession about your weight ever led to thoughts of suicide?"

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

Santa uses his interviewing skills on his second job, too.

'Life isn't fair! Most of the stuff I worried about over the years never even happened!'

"O.K. What part of 'malignant regression and pathogenic reintrojection as a defense against psychic decompensation' don't you understand?"

"I feel used."

"But it would be rude to raise taxes on my friends."

'Of course you're not a failure... you can afford my fees can't you?'

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'What's the difference between solitude and loneliness, doctor?'

Introverted Chair

"This isn't a bad time to be out of touch with reality."

"I know marriage is a partnership, but I didn't realise I'd be the silent partner."

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

Number Phobia.

"You've got to want to connect the dots, Mr. Michaelson."

'Do you mind if I take the rest of the session to get your input on investor psychology?'

Workaholics Anonymous

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'