Therapeutic Conversationalist Gifts

"I was on a roll at first. Then, things began to unravel, and my life just went down the drain."

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

Santa uses his interviewing skills on his second job, too.

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"I finally have an ailment that isn't so bad that I'm worried, but bad enough for me to complain about constantly"

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

"I'm on Twitter and I get the feeling I'm not being followed."

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

A lesson in wit

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'

"My main worry is my anxiety."

"You've got two more things to worry about now. You're mad and I'm expensive."

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'

'I don't think you're trying hard enough to look at things from the sinner's perspective, Reverend.'

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'

"I had that dream again where I kill my Shrink."

"You're putting up too many walls Hadrian."