Therapy Talkers Gifts

"My one-man band is breaking up."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

"I feel off. I want to feel off and running."

'The only part of my body that defies gravity is my age.'

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

'You know, if you had one of those bumper stickers, I wouldn't be in doggy-therapy.'

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

"I just feel like I'm constantly disappointing parents everytime I appear on report cards."

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

"On the weekend I finally beat the club pro...so I don't need you anymore!"

Santa uses his interviewing skills on his second job, too.

"So has this obsession about your weight ever led to thoughts of suicide?"

“What if I tell you the card you are thinking of is … the Jack of Hearts ?”

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

'Therapy in L.A.'

'Life isn't fair! Most of the stuff I worried about over the years never even happened!'

"O.K. What part of 'malignant regression and pathogenic reintrojection as a defense against psychic decompensation' don't you understand?"

"But it would be rude to raise taxes on my friends."

"I feel used."

'What's the difference between solitude and loneliness, doctor?'

Hand puppet company boss uses puppet to tell employee: 'You're fired!'

"I was born into the wrong color. I'm not pink, Oh, doc, I'm so depressed..."

"This isn't a bad time to be out of touch with reality."

"I know marriage is a partnership, but I didn't realise I'd be the silent partner."

"I'm on Twitter and I get the feeling I'm not being followed."

Introverted Chair

'Of course you're not a failure... you can afford my fees can't you?'

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

Number Phobia.

'Do you mind if I take the rest of the session to get your input on investor psychology?'

"You've got to want to connect the dots, Mr. Michaelson."