Talk Therapy Gifts

'I'm concerned. I'm happy!

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

Dialogue

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

With the popularity of spell-checkers, many people are turning to the new speech-checkers.

"My master's vowel hyperarticulation is wearing a bit thin..."

"A haand gel...!?"

'I have a limited vocabulary because I'm a child, what's your excuse?'

'You know, if you had one of those bumper stickers, I wouldn't be in doggy-therapy.'

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

Dyslexia is no longer a disorder...

"Stop squawking. Use your words."

Irritable Vowel Syndrome: "EEEIIIOOOAAA AUUUEEE!!"

Tangled Earphones Support Group.

Dyslexic Cattle Ranch

"Liife! Give my conversation Liife!"

What's the big surprise? All the latest theories of linguistics say we're born with the innate capacity for generating sentences.

"These meetings were a lot shorter before we invented compound sentences."

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

Monosyllabic Crisis Center

"Can you teach me to really bark? I only seem to be able to yap..."

Santa uses his interviewing skills on his second job, too.

"On the weekend I finally beat the club pro...so I don't need you anymore!"

Unintelligible speaker at Subway Announcers Dinner.

It's nothing to worry about - many kids his age have trouble with the letter S.

“What if I tell you the card you are thinking of is … the Jack of Hearts ?”