Trial Tactician T-Shirts

"My client got twenty years, yet he paid me in full. It just shows the system works."

'I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what a jury is going to do.'

'Marvin Quinn - Attorney at Law - Jury Whisperer.'

'I've always been a proponent of winning people's hearts and minds by suing them.'

'Your Honor, I'm here to make excuses for my client.'

'Oh, no! They've got a Swiss-army defence lawyer!'

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

"I don't like the looks of this! That's our jury consultant!"

'You didn't 'win' anything, just declared not guilty.'

'There is something I have been meaning to mention since I was named to the Supreme Court... I've never actually read the Constitution.'

'I know your client wants a jury trial, but we can't come up with a jury. People are too busy.'

"He's coming off a long tough trial."

'My client is requesting a little more wiggle room,your Honor.'

'I'm judge, jury and, I'm hoping, one day...'

"Oh I never lose any sleep over my criminal cases. I figure that even if I lose, I'm not the one going to Jail!"

"May I treat him as a hostile lawyer?"

"Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty as a matter of self defense."

"The defendant wishes to change his plea, from 'not guilty' to 'no collusion'."

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

'Now we'll give the patient our drug.'

'I'm sending you to Joliet for 15 years to think about what you did.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'Never take the stand in your own defense. The judge can reach you with the gavel.'

"Defending you isn't going to be easy. . . Sana actually started an 'Extremely cruel, stupid and psychotic kid' list especially for you."

"The jury will disregard this witness' testimony as nothing but hearsay!"

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"I really wanted to get you off but I didn't want to make a mockery of Justice."

"My client was a violent felon, Your Honor, but that was before he found Law."

"Maybe we should have filed a friend of the court brief, too."

Good news, I reduced your sentence from 250 years to 150 years!

'Yes, I robbed the bank -- but I was abused as a child by a bank teller.'

'If you wanted me to be cooperative, why did you appoint a lawyer for me?'

'... and in closing, I have but four words for you... go forth and sue.'

'We find the defendant guiltyish.'

'What a trial! The witness, judge and jury were hostile.'