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"Isn't it true, Mr. Sheppard, that you are, in fact, the 'party of the first part'?"

Trial by Media

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

"You can't plead cute."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

The Jose Padilla Experience

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

"Another slander suit!"

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

'It's a treasure map.'

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

"I made my money the old fashioned way...a team of high priced lawyers litigating round the clock."

"I really wanted to get you off but I didn't want to make a mockery of Justice."

"I'm pre-legal analysis."

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"May I treat him as a hostile lawyer?"

"That settles it. I'm moving for a retrial."

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

Rugby - Interesting line-out tactics.

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

Counsel's Opinion.

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

"Not guilty by virtue of reasonable doubt."