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Rover's Cake

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

My therapist says I should take up basket making as a pastime!

The Jose Padilla Experience

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

'So far, sir, we've rejected plans A,B, C, D, E, F, and right now we're evaluating'G'.'

"But mom, all you said was 'get all your stuff up off the floor!' "

War never felt the same after the Great Puppy Ambush.

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

"May I treat him as a hostile lawyer?"

"I heard you're top dog in trust and loyalty training."

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"I really wanted to get you off but I didn't want to make a mockery of Justice."

"That was a rumor day."

Football.

The Use of Cavalry

Kosovo.

'With your permission sir... checkmate.'

'You didn't 'win' anything, just declared not guilty.'

'There is something I have been meaning to mention since I was named to the Supreme Court... I've never actually read the Constitution.'

'My client is requesting a little more wiggle room,your Honor.'

'Remember, shares can also go down...'

Manager. Managing a political campaign and a baseball team are alike in many ways. A campaign is launched with a "first pitch," when a candidate gives a speech selling himself or herself. I change pitchers based on the game situation. In politics and baseball, sometimes it's best to come from the right side and sometimes it's best to come from the left side. We study our competitors' weaknesses and exploit those. In politics we call that "opposition research." And I don't worry about the

Good news, I reduced your sentence from 250 years to 150 years!

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

"I try to get a head start on them."

Personnel. What do I call those gaps in my work history? Quality time.

"The defendant wishes to change his plea, from 'not guilty' to 'no collusion'."

'Thank you colonel we'll keep your strategy in mind.'

"It has come to my attention that there's a traitor in our midst."

"I know I told you to fool him into thinking you've got nothing left, but now you've got me convinced."