Courtroom Tactician T-Shirts

'My instincts and intuitions are on opposing sides on this legal strategy.'

'If possible, I'd like it to be an amicable bankruptcy.'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'What I like best about being an attorney, is we win regardless whether we win or lose.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

The Jose Padilla Experience

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

'Let's see what the employment tribunal has to say about that, shall we?'

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

"If we learned anything in law school, we learned that you can never have enough wiggle room."

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"I really wanted to get you off but I didn't want to make a mockery of Justice."

"May I treat him as a hostile lawyer?"

I Litigate Therefore I Am.

"This is the murder weapon the defendant used, your honor, and these are the tunes he butchered in cold blood."

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

"I advise a slow, steady stream of lawsuits to weaken your enemies resistance. We call it time release litigation."

'Brain surgery, right?'

Time is running out for Julian Assange.

'This paintball war has really spun out of control.'

Restrictive Abortion Laws

'You'll make lots of money and eat a little caca... that's what attorneys do.'

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

'You didn't 'win' anything, just declared not guilty.'

'There is something I have been meaning to mention since I was named to the Supreme Court... I've never actually read the Constitution.'

'My client is requesting a little more wiggle room,your Honor.'

'Sure, I'm a criminal psychopath, but look at all the JOBS I created!'

Good news, I reduced your sentence from 250 years to 150 years!

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

"Well, we saved this attorney. Some poacher shot him and removed his highly-prized fin."