Trendy Tastemaker Gifts

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

'Coffee table books are so 20th century...this is a 'double expresso mochaito latte with cinnamon table book'!

'No, no - Style over Substance.'

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

"Yuppies! There goes the hood!"

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"That's very offensive."

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

A dozen predictions for foods of the future.

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

"I love blue Martinis. It's like the fifties and the nineties all mixed up together."

"Did you have any problems at the design stage?"

"What would you serve with toast?"

'My Lee's creative with food. He always customizes his toppings when we phone for pizza.'

'Sir, this chicken is improperly dressed!'

Popeye Switches to Kale.

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

"Column A are things they said would kill you ten years ago but are now considered totally good for you. Column B are things they currently think will kill you."

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

Avacados

"The first thing about living alone again is not to overdo the chintz."

"Why don't we just take photos of other people's food and order whatever gets the most Facebook likes?"

"With his augmented reality headset he's actually eating in a five star restaurant."

"I wonder if you folks are aware that black cod is this year's Chilean sea bass?"

"This is sort of my little homage to the American farm woman."

French-America Cuisine: Corn Flake Flambe!

'It's a tough business model based on a low price point, but a shot of vodka really increases volume.'

"It's over between kale and me -- I've moved onto sorrel."

"Dinner comes complete with coffee and your choice of dessert or an oil painting."

Mother Nature's Health Foods

"I plant the kale back there to keep hipsters out of the good stuff!"

"I was afraid of GMO foods until I learned they're the designer versions."

Sushi