Trendy Tastemaker T-Shirts

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

'Coffee table books are so 20th century...this is a 'double expresso mochaito latte with cinnamon table book'!

'No, no - Style over Substance.'

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

"Yuppies! There goes the hood!"

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"That's very offensive."

A dozen predictions for foods of the future.

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

"I love blue Martinis. It's like the fifties and the nineties all mixed up together."

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

"Did you have any problems at the design stage?"

'Ahh, but it's a Dyson saltshaker.'

'My Lee's creative with food. He always customizes his toppings when we phone for pizza.'

"What would you serve with toast?"

'Sir, this chicken is improperly dressed!'

Popeye Switches to Kale.

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

"Why don't we just take photos of other people's food and order whatever gets the most Facebook likes?"

"The first thing about living alone again is not to overdo the chintz."

"Column A are things they said would kill you ten years ago but are now considered totally good for you. Column B are things they currently think will kill you."

Avacados

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

"With his augmented reality headset he's actually eating in a five star restaurant."

French-America Cuisine: Corn Flake Flambe!

"I wonder if you folks are aware that black cod is this year's Chilean sea bass?"

"This is sort of my little homage to the American farm woman."

'It's a tough business model based on a low price point, but a shot of vodka really increases volume.'

"It's over between kale and me -- I've moved onto sorrel."

Mother Nature's Health Foods

"Dinner comes complete with coffee and your choice of dessert or an oil painting."

"I plant the kale back there to keep hipsters out of the good stuff!"

Sushi