Trendsetting Cook Gifts

"This is sort of my little homage to the American farm woman."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

"Yuppies! There goes the hood!"

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

Haute Chinese

A dozen predictions for foods of the future.

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

"Wheatgrass is highly effective at neutralizing joy."

"I'll have the crescent-crab 'purses' and the smoked duck 'hash' – hold the quotation marks."

"What's trending?"

"There's our cure for the munchies! Gluten, we love your pizza!!" "You're our hero, gluten."

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

'Sir, this chicken is improperly dressed!'

Popeye Switches to Kale.

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

"You want fries with that Chardonnay?"

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

"Why don't we just take photos of other people's food and order whatever gets the most Facebook likes?"

Avacados

French-America Cuisine: Corn Flake Flambe!

The slow cooker changed everything

"Bring me something impaled on a tusk."

"I wonder if you folks are aware that black cod is this year's Chilean sea bass?"

"People don't care what they're eating as long as they're the first ones to eat it."

"It's over between kale and me -- I've moved onto sorrel."

Mother Nature's Health Foods

"It's fast-casual."

"We grow all our own bad-tasting ugly things."

"There's kale in every dish here - buy you don't even taste it."

"Dinner comes complete with coffee and your choice of dessert or an oil painting."

"I plant the kale back there to keep hipsters out of the good stuff!"

Gentrification of the fridge

"I can take or leave the religion, I worship his gluten free recipes."