Trendsetter In Dining Gifts

Haute Chinese

Are you excited the republicans are going to take back the Senate? Of course. Do you have any idea how many organic, gluten-free, non-GMO sustainable, eco-friendly cups of conflict-free hot cocoa I'm going to be selling? Not to mention the free-range turkey Panini's. Liberals eat comfort foods, too.

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

"Is the MSG local?"

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

"Yuppies! There goes the hood!"

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

A dozen predictions for foods of the future.

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

"What's trending?"

"I'll have the crescent-crab 'purses' and the smoked duck 'hash' – hold the quotation marks."

'Ahh, but it's a Dyson saltshaker.'

Popeye Switches to Kale.

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

"Why don't we just take photos of other people's food and order whatever gets the most Facebook likes?"

"You want fries with that Chardonnay?"

"I don't want the burger on a trendy wooden platter, the egg on Welsh slate or, my fries in a terracotta pot - I want soup served in a sock!"

Avacados

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

"I see what I want to eat. Where do I click 'add to cart'?"

"This is sort of my little homage to the American farm woman."

"Bring me something impaled on a tusk."

"I wonder if you folks are aware that black cod is this year's Chilean sea bass?"

French-America Cuisine: Corn Flake Flambe!

"People don't care what they're eating as long as they're the first ones to eat it."

"Dinner comes complete with coffee and your choice of dessert or an oil painting."

"There's kale in every dish here - buy you don't even taste it."

"It's over between kale and me -- I've moved onto sorrel."

Mother Nature's Health Foods

"We grow all our own bad-tasting ugly things."