Fashion-forward Cook Gifts

'Sir, this chicken is improperly dressed!'

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

"Beanirrito"

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

"Excuse me, but could you ask the chef to make this a little more photogenic?"

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

A dozen predictions for foods of the future.

'Hot' and 'dog' t-shirts.

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

Spanx Tells Me No

Get me a bottle of house white. I need to clean the stainless steel surfaces.

Fried Egg

Salad Hat

"I want you to work late. Put on your overtime shoes."

Prosecco Drinker

'Ahh, but it's a Dyson saltshaker.'

"It's nothing new. We've always offered a complimentary beard wash following an order of ribs."

"It may very well be America's favorite comfort food, but nobody is gonna buy a grilled cheese poncho."

Pork Pie Hat

Bob's BBQ Aprons: The Spring Collection

I'm thinking of something in a Cheddar.

Avacados

"Why don't we just take photos of other people's food and order whatever gets the most Facebook likes?"

French-America Cuisine: Corn Flake Flambe!

"I wonder if you folks are aware that black cod is this year's Chilean sea bass?"

"The free-range chicken with little shoes by Reebok."

'Waiter - This salad isn't appropriately dressed!'

"This is sort of my little homage to the American farm woman."

"How can we afford to eat at a place where the doggie bags are Gucci?"

"It's fast-casual."

'I was going to send back this dreadful wine - but then I realized it's the perfect match for your dreadful chicken.'

"Dinner comes complete with coffee and your choice of dessert or an oil painting."

"We grow all our own bad-tasting ugly things."