Trendy Conversationalist Gifts

"So....what's the skinny?"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

PSA Banter.

Why we need poetry. . .

Annual run-off at the mouth.

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"Is it just me, right, is it just me ...?"

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

Snow is falling...

'Casual Friday's never caught on in this department.'

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

'I just like tequila for the worm.'

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

No, no, don't tell me … you lost weight? You cut your hair? Wait, did you used to wear glasses?

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

'This month I'll be cooked & my bones ripped apart in a wishing contest.'