Modern Conversationalist Gifts

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

"My talking to myself used to annoy people, so now I text myself."

"Hey, what ya doing, Cruz?"

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

'Yak, yak, yak.'

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

A lesson in wit

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

"I understand it all started when he ordered extra toppings on a pizza."

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

'Join us. There' a talk on medical marijuana and a pot-luck dinner afterward.'

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'

"My main worry is my anxiety."

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'