Modern Conversationalist Gifts

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

"My talking to myself used to annoy people, so now I text myself."

"It's a sympathy message from young Nigel."

"Hey, what ya doing, Cruz?"

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

A lesson in wit

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

"I understand it all started when he ordered extra toppings on a pizza."

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

'Join us. There' a talk on medical marijuana and a pot-luck dinner afterward.'

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'

"My main worry is my anxiety."

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'