Trendsetting Diners Pillows

"I'll have the crescent-crab 'purses' and the smoked duck 'hash' – hold the quotation marks."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

"Is the MSG local?"

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

'Can I have flies with that'

Haute Chinese

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

You're pig-headed, Louis, I like that in a man.

"I know you're a cat person, but do you have to knock things off the table when we're out?"

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

Sushi Train Spotters

"It's the kind of trade you get in a twenty-four-hour-a-day joint."

Big Boy Foot

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

Chicken Coupe.

Diner. Breakfast Specials. I'm a type "C" personality. Until I have my morning coffee I have no personality at all.

'Ralph, I'm gonna' need wings on the fly!'

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

"The catch of the day is halibut. The day it was caught was last Tuesday."

Waiter to diner: 'I'm going to return you to the main menu.'

'No, there isn't any shrimp in the 'Shrimp Surprise' -- It's just called that because it's not all that surprising.'

Hi. I'm Jonathan. I'll be your judge this afternoon. Legal Menu.

What's a Texas Tommy? A hot dog stuffed with cheese and wrapped in bacon. Little Pete's Sounds great. Does it come with anything? A coronary.

"We have sparkling and still, but I'll have to ask if we have black."

"I'll have the chef."

"What's trending?"

"Just iced tea, please. Hot coffee goes right through me."