Restaurant Trends Pillows

"Is the MSG local?"

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

"I don't want the burger on a trendy wooden platter, the egg on Welsh slate or, my fries in a terracotta pot - I want soup served in a sock!"

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

La Table

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

Comedy Cafe

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

Queen of Quinoa

All Natural Nothing

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

'It's my favorite.'

I love Cannelloni

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

Spontaneous Kombucha

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."