Restaurant Trends Pillows

"Is the MSG local?"

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

"I don't want the burger on a trendy wooden platter, the egg on Welsh slate or, my fries in a terracotta pot - I want soup served in a sock!"

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

La Table

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

Comedy Cafe

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

Queen of Quinoa

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

All Natural Nothing

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'It's my favorite.'

I love Cannelloni

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

Spontaneous Kombucha

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.