Treetop Tale-teller Gifts

Cuckoo from Nest Box

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

Fishing Tales

'My 'What I Did Over The Weekend' report is about my hunting a 17,000 pound moose, deep inside Canada.Some or all of this report has been fictionalized for dramatic purposes.'

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

"Listen, pal, I’m not seeing a ‘giant squirrel eating a rib-eye steak.’"

"Don't you want to hear about the day I had?"

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

"That's right kiddo, I'm one of the original band members of the Musicians of Bremen..."

'It was this big. I swear'

Paul Bunyan gets the leg-lengthening Operation

"I'm the ghost of woodshop past."

'Eric! Look for his pressure point! He's got to have a pressure point somewhere!'

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

'All this is nuthin! There was one yeaw up noth...when it snowed fah two yeaws! I had t'dig down ten feet t'haul in my lobstah traps.'

'Day 57. The tigers appear to be adjusting to my presence.'

'I swapped shirts with Peter Crouch.'

"At long last, Wyatt, our dream has come true and we are within reach of the legendary toast fields of the Sierra Madre."

"That could've been ours. But noooo...You and your DIY."

"Pecos Bildungsroman"

A Salmon Lie

Captain Eddie's New Boat:'The insurance company laughed last year when I insisted on adding Kraken coverage.'

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

Man around campfire Title: 'Ed is a fisherman who never lies. He tells all his stories sitting up.'

'He doesn't exaggerate, he just remembers big.'

'That's right kids: I jumped through rings of fire when I was with the Circus!'

'Your childhood treehouse is where we will begin therapy....'

"My dad was a prize-winning bull too: According to Mum, he won a raffle once at the local fair..."

My tail's cold.

"So I break free and I swear that hook was this big."

The giraffe-tamer.

'He's lying about either a fish or his penis.'

'I don't believe for one minute that an octopus crawled up last night and ate all the coconuts!'

A Tale of the Sea

"In your original statement, you said the fish was much bigger."