Travel Joker Pillows

You are now leaving Everything..."Well, now I've seen everything."

"The sat-nav said this was where the pub was...I wonder how long it will take them to build it?"

'Could you please do an dental x-ray? I think I broke a tooth on a rock in my in-flight meal.'

'I've only packed essentials! CD player, hair dryer, eight new tops and a sun lamp.'

Desert Roundabout

"Not wearing deodorant is not what I meant by 'respect the local customs'"

'This went faster before his bladder gave out.'

Jack in the Box Oxygen Mask

'Excuse me - Which way is Southwestern North Carolina?'

"You heading south again this summer?"

"It's kind of hard to know where these photos were taken: The backgrounds are very similar..."

'My wife is going to kill me. All her shopping coupons are in that lost luggage.'

Club Mad Holiday

More intense body search at airport checkpoints.

"You have luggage? - Oh, we don't do LUGGAGE any more."

"Attention... attention... the winner of tonight's lucky oar prize is..."

Welcome to Coney Island

'This is your captain speaking...' - Pilot parachuting out of plane.

Next Restroom...35 miles and Next Clean Restroom...HA!

"It's my helper trout!"

"This seat with extra legroom is great."

"Stop scratching your head. I know you've got an itchy scalp, but the passengers get the wrong impression."

"The cabin crew will shortly be bringing round a selection of gumshields!"

'Luggage is luggage, sir -- just try to be happy with what you've got.'

"Well, it's like a mystery tour but you go up the M11 and around the M25 a couple of times."

Travel Sickness Pills.

"The only reason I would take my husband to Paris would be to hide the body."

'You and your cheap flights!!'

'We found your luggage! It went to Buffalo!'

'This is your captain speaking. Apologies for the turbulence. Cabin staff will re-fill the litter trays shortly.'

Tedium Tours.

Distance to horizon varies.

'That destination's very popular with binge-drinking Brits.'

Dracula vacationing in Venice feeding bats in the Piazza of St. Mark.

Excess Baggage: Airport checkpoints we'd all like to see...