Transport Planner Gifts

'Oh no - a Highwayman!'

'Let's build all possible variants and see which one turns out to be the cheapest to run!'

Heading in the right direction.

If life was fair.

'Typical!'

Railway Map of England (A Prophecy)

Set achievable training: "Right, so that's agreed we'll scrap plans to develop a faster than light machine and concentrate on getting the buses to run on time."

HS2 Leeds Cancelled

A world choked with people mindlessly on the move

Bus timetable at bus stop, "Bus stuck in traffic jam timetable"

"Our first order of business will be the new speed bump in the parking lot."

'I'd say that our transport policy couldn't get any greener'

'I always sit in the front carriage. That way you get there sooner...'

"Please mind the gap between the train timetable and reality."

"At least it's not as busy as last night!"

'Madam Miggins is the best we can do for working out the full costs of HS2.'

Rail Replacement Service

'Call me crazy: an aircraft carrier moored in the Thames estuary, which can double as a third runway.'

Loserville Next Exit: Try not to miss it this time.

Twisted Peel has a bout of road rage.

"My career's on the line."

"Sorry Hon, I'm stuck in traffic again."

"As usual, the Madison Avenue boat is late again."

"There seems to be only two types of motorway - those under construction and those under repair!"

"I'd like a couple of rail replacement buses please. . ."

Bendy Busses.

S**t Creek Halt

"I didn't know they were building a new road here."

"Have you seen those petrol prices?"

Waiting for Godot. . . Updated HS2 Route

"Due to an earlier incident, this train is being held in the station."

"If you ask me, this supply chain business has already gone way too far. . ."

Environmentally Friendly Transport

"I put my 2p on the line yesterday, and it's still not squashed!"

'You're buggering with my legacy BoJo!'