Transit Police Gifts

"You were doing over eighty miles an hour. What do you expect? I was listening to The Flight of the Bumble Bee."

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

Please Drove Carefully.

Dog Crossing

No jay walking.

"Serenity's cool and all, but when do we get to bliss?"

"I don't care why you crossed the road! I do care however about "how" you crossed the road: without checking for cars first!"

Street signs you don't want to see.

"No officer, I didn't what the speed limit was. Those signs were going by too fast."

One way only.

Planned service changes

'Never, Ever...drive 56 mph on a 55 mph freeway in a sporty red convertible.'

"For pity's sake, George - stop tooting and ask for directions!"

Family traits.

"Please forward all my tickets to the auto manufacturer who made this self-driving car."

"I told you we'd be better off taking Canal."

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

'Have a heart, officer... the little mite is starving!'

"No, officer, I don' t know how fast I was driving. I had my head sticking out of the window."

"Don't make eye contact... Don't make eye contact..."

'Where's the circus, buddy?'

Subway Thrillers

"Being a crossing guard for a squirrel is exhausting!"

'It's an idea whose time has come, Mr. Mayor -- 'drive-through traffic court'!'

"Coffee...Cigarettes...Bubble gum..."

"I've got a wall I need to get to, officer."

"Were you using your mobile?" "How could I possibly? I've had my hands full eating and smoking!"

'Now I don't know what it's like in New York, but this is Kansas city, and we follow the laws of physics out here.'

Speeding Forklift

Policeman giving paramedics a fine.

'Passengers were on their way to a clown convention. We've 7 fatalities and 174 in hospital.'

Unpopular Street Signs: Go, Please Litter, Yes Parking, Garbage Collection - Sometimes Never - Mon-Fri.

'I think we both know that's a decoy.'

'Mostly we just block traffic.'