Traffic Police Gifts

"It's for you - it's my lawyer."

'I was sending an email to a client from my laptop when I spilled the coffee I was drinking, wihile I was on my cell phone, so you see, officer, it wasn't my fault.'

Inexpensive ways to slow speeders....

"Sire. I fear that we shall have to turn back. He has a hi-vis vest and a road cone."

Sometimes news travels too fast.

"I think I've finally seen one performance too many of 'The Nutcracker'"

'Oh! You've passed the breathalyzer test.' 'I KNEW IT! that pub's watering down its whisky!'

Seat Belt Cop.

The March of Progress; Unbroken land, dirt track, paved road, sleeping policemen, sleeping policeforce, simulated unbroken land.

'Okay, buddy, where's the fire?'

'You've a broken lamp and your underlay's dangerously worn.'

'You have it all wrong. I wasn't texting while driving, I was updating my Facebook status and checking Twitter.'

"I don't think we're supposed to taser people who park on double yellow lines."

"You can go for this time Sir, but remember to put a new picture on your driver's license!"

"Your parking meter is expired, your license is expired, your plates are expired, your city sticker is expired, your insurance is expired, your library card is expired..."

Bobsled Police.

Crash-text Dummies: Two Crash-test Dummies texting about to crash into the Crash Test barrier.

'Are all the burglars on holiday?'

"How could you possibly have gotten a speeding ticket?"

"Looks like another case of driver-less-car-road-rage."

'We WERE the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, but one has to keep up with the times.'

"No, officer, I wasn't texting and driving. I was just texting. This is a driverless car."

'We don't have any vehicle registration, do we?'

Drinking Driving: Fireworks about to happen.

"Do you mind, can't you see I'm on the phone"

"Are you calling this a roadworthy and correct light??!"

Autonomous cars

"The reason I can't show you my licence is because you took it away from me yesterday!"

Speed Skating.

'Okay, for this part of the sobriety test, I want you to say all the numbers of pi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

Cartoon World

Policeman on phone to car in front: "Please pull over sir, you're moving your mobile phone illegally."

'Ask not for whom the siren wails...it wails for thee.'

'Do you mind id I take a few calls while you're writing up that ticket, Officer?'