Traffic Police Gifts

"It's for you - it's my lawyer."

'I was sending an email to a client from my laptop when I spilled the coffee I was drinking, wihile I was on my cell phone, so you see, officer, it wasn't my fault.'

Sometimes news travels too fast.

"Sire. I fear that we shall have to turn back. He has a hi-vis vest and a road cone."

Inexpensive ways to slow speeders....

"I think I've finally seen one performance too many of 'The Nutcracker'"

'You have it all wrong. I wasn't texting while driving, I was updating my Facebook status and checking Twitter.'

'You've a broken lamp and your underlay's dangerously worn.'

'Okay, buddy, where's the fire?'

The March of Progress; Unbroken land, dirt track, paved road, sleeping policemen, sleeping policeforce, simulated unbroken land.

'Oh! You've passed the breathalyzer test.' 'I KNEW IT! that pub's watering down its whisky!'

Seat Belt Cop.

"I don't think we're supposed to taser people who park on double yellow lines."

"You can go for this time Sir, but remember to put a new picture on your driver's license!"

Speed Skating.

'Ask not for whom the siren wails...it wails for thee.'

Crash-text Dummies: Two Crash-test Dummies texting about to crash into the Crash Test barrier.

"How could you possibly have gotten a speeding ticket?"

'We WERE the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, but one has to keep up with the times.'

'Okay, for this part of the sobriety test, I want you to say all the numbers of pi.'

'Do you mind id I take a few calls while you're writing up that ticket, Officer?'

'We don't have any vehicle registration, do we?'

Traffic polieceman at a carousel.

'Are all the burglars on holiday?'

Drinking Driving: Fireworks about to happen.

Policeman on phone to car in front: "Please pull over sir, you're moving your mobile phone illegally."

Bobsled Police.

Cartoon World

"Do you mind, can't you see I'm on the phone"

"The reason I can't show you my licence is because you took it away from me yesterday!"

"No, officer, I wasn't texting and driving. I was just texting. This is a driverless car."

"Are you calling this a roadworthy and correct light??!"

Autonomous cars

"Looks like another case of driver-less-car-road-rage."

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."