Transfer Season Gifts

Arsene Wenger dusting off incoming transfers book.

'Wow! That was some world series, Ella! Both Pujols and Holland were just amazing...'

"Client screamed, "I HATE SPRING!" and continued to have a meltdown. Diagnosis: Seasonal Affective Disorder."

"Remember, kids, it's not winning that matters, it's getting a clean urine sample that's important."

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

'The problem with migrating is that the roaming charges for my mobile phone are enormous...'

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

A poem: With daylight's shift, winter draws near...

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'

This is great, Ernie, there's a pennant race and the ballpark is packed every day! The food selection here is unmatched anywhere! Today I've already had nachos, a bit of hot dog and some ice cream! Coming here always makes me queasy! Oh, the foods too much for you? No, I just get nervous in a place where the term "sacrifice fly" is used!

'Think we should be packing up soon, Hon?'

'Well, I'm glad to have you with us!'

"How?"

'Young players have a tendency to forget fundamentals over the winter.'

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

'Hefner is thinking about the off season already.'

Mudville

'Yes, Haffner appears to be tiring...'

"I've realized it's cruel to keep a dog in a big city. I'm transferring you to scranton."

"Can you believe it? A couple of page-turners, one affair, and, wham - it's Labor Day."

Baseball teams have just opened their spring training camps! I love this time of year when anything is possible in the upcoming season. Maybe one day before the season ends, I'll be at the stadium and stand with the crowd as we anticipate the game's final out! I'll be thrilled if I go to a game and the catchers and home plate umpire are the only ones needing to wear a mask. This could be a special season. If things work out, fans everywhere will feel like winners no matter how their favorit

I hate the spring ritual of not being able to wear a bulky sweater to cover the weight I've gained during the winter.

'My pitcher needs to get fired up by the home crowd. Pass the collection basket.'

"I hear that march is coming in like a lineman and out like a lamb...I just wanted to be prepared."

'A good, but not a grand slam!'

'Free food. Free place to sleep. And now we get to see a Cubs game - all comp! This is the freakin' life, Louie!'

The first day of spring has finally arrived! The only think I'll miss about winter is curling up under a warm blanket straight out of the dryer on a frigid night.

The last hot dog of summer.

Annual pursuit of free agents in the off-season.

"Kill the third base umpire."

'He's our power hitter - but only on sunny days.'

Couldn't we just rend a second place down south?

Heckler with ventriloquists' dummy.

'Foul ball!!'