Transfer Season Gifts

"Remember, kids, it's not winning that matters, it's getting a clean urine sample that's important."

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

'The problem with migrating is that the roaming charges for my mobile phone are enormous...'

"Compromise? What the hell is there between safe and out?"

A poem: With daylight's shift, winter draws near...

'Think we should be packing up soon, Hon?'

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'

'Well, I'm glad to have you with us!'

"How?"

'Young players have a tendency to forget fundamentals over the winter.'

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

Mudville

'Hefner is thinking about the off season already.'

"I've realized it's cruel to keep a dog in a big city. I'm transferring you to scranton."

'Yes, Haffner appears to be tiring...'

"Can you believe it? A couple of page-turners, one affair, and, wham - it's Labor Day."

'My pitcher needs to get fired up by the home crowd. Pass the collection basket.'

'A good, but not a grand slam!'

Annual pursuit of free agents in the off-season.

I hate the spring ritual of not being able to wear a bulky sweater to cover the weight I've gained during the winter.

"Kill the third base umpire."

'Free food. Free place to sleep. And now we get to see a Cubs game - all comp! This is the freakin' life, Louie!'

"I hear that march is coming in like a lineman and out like a lamb...I just wanted to be prepared."

'He's our power hitter - but only on sunny days.'

'Happens a coupla times every season, Dewey. A runner is left stranded on second base. No food. No water... just part of the game.'

'Wow...I've got to admit, Stanley...when you said you always got the best seats I thought you were just blowing smoke.'

'Foul ball!!'