Training Session Fan Gifts

'Due to budget cutbacks we are combining our annual employee dinner with The Seven Basic Quality Control Tools Training.'

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Okay, okay. 'Canine.' That's 'K-N-i-N-E.' Oh rats!"

"Has it occurred to you that you keep getting beaten up because that's your true purpose in life?"

Only Clowns

DIY marriage counseling.

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

Nurse's introduction training - "We don't get the quality of student we used to"

"Is this where the breakout session on adolescent behavior meets?"

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

'Does the gym have a motorized version of this cycle?'

"Now, let’s talk about your attachment issues."

Buns Of Veal.

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

Man practising the violin.

'I keep thinking I'm being watched...'

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

'The therapy did help your husband find his inner child, unfortunately his inner child is called Dwayne.'

"How do you feel about turning over?"

'It's really not that effective, but it's easy to store.'

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

Therapy for the cow dependent

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

Woman stuck doing situps has spider web being built under arm

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

'I keep having these flashbacks.'

"I wouldn't worry about it, in your case, the superiority complex just goes with this territory."

'I don't know what it is, doc. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.'

Short Term Memory Loss Support Group: 'Good evening. You're probably all wondering why you just walked into this room.'

Soccer Ball - "I'm sick and tired of being kicked around all the time."

"Try taking baby steps."