Training And Development Fan Gifts

Nurse's introduction training - "We don't get the quality of student we used to"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"I always try to give out at least one genuine compliment per day. I don't always succeed."

"What other tricks does he need?"

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

Carrot VS Stick

"Okay, okay. 'Canine.' That's 'K-N-i-N-E.' Oh rats!"

"All rise."

'I want a dog who will fetch my things, so don't sell me one that drools.'

"Is this where the breakout session on adolescent behavior meets?"

Hammer Thrower - "Let go of it!"

'My parents didn't want me getting left behind in the system.'

'Due to budget cutbacks we are combining our annual employee dinner with The Seven Basic Quality Control Tools Training.'

'Guess what! I got my act together! And this is it!'

Centaur Sprinter

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

'I was this close to the finish line and then somebody threw a stick!'

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

Resume Consultant. I can polish up your resume, but I won't be able to pound all the dents. (Published originally on Janurary 8, 2009.)

'I had three catches dropped today.' - 'Yes, but the were dropped by spectators in the stand.'

"Does anyone know where the leadership training is taking place."

'Now that we've discovered a great new laundry detergent, let's try to discover an appropriate price point.'

Plastic Brits: 'Apprehend that fleetfooted alien and naturalise him for Team GB!'

'They're halfway through the six-meter dash. At this pace, the winner should break the world record by at least 24 hours!'

"You know how it goes: Those who can, do, those who can't, teach..."

'No, the book you want isn't in our self-help section. It's probably under personal growth or finding yourself or possibly ego awareness.'

Man planning on standing on a turntable to aid hammer throw.

'What training do I get?'

"Well, he's learned to walk the walk, now he just needs to learn how to talk the talk."

I think these were meant for you. Sit. Speak. Shake. Heel. Stay. Wait. Down. Fetch. Come.

"He's taken it badly. Been a working dog all his life."

'Runners to your mark. Get set... wait! Lane three! Turn sideways!'

Skis with stabilisers.

"Now, don't move, I'm going to practice my high jump and need a good landing mattress..."

Fish Tricks