Quirky Training Methods Fan Gifts

'What can I tell you? They gave us treats - at inappropriate times.'

Executive gym with briefcases for weights.

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Okay, okay. 'Canine.' That's 'K-N-i-N-E.' Oh rats!"

"Trust me. This is going to make it easier to discuss your childhood."

Only Clowns

Nurse's introduction training - "We don't get the quality of student we used to"

"Is this where the breakout session on adolescent behavior meets?"

'I want a dog who will fetch my things, so don't sell me one that drools.'

'Due to budget cutbacks we are combining our annual employee dinner with The Seven Basic Quality Control Tools Training.'

'Focus! Focus! You've just gotta' forget about their home ground advantage.

"My doctor told me I should start working out."

'Extreme acupuncture.'

"We'll see who wins on Sunday, and more importantly, if we'll hear 'Not Like Us' at halftime."

Mad Social Scientist School

A Protractor.

'What training do I get?'

I think these were meant for you. Sit. Speak. Shake. Heel. Stay. Wait. Down. Fetch. Come.

"My Harvard Medical Guide says if a wisdom tooth is infected, you may need antibiotics and possibly have the tooth pulled by an oral surgeon."

"It's our most effective diet plan - Hugo, here, follows you around with a stomach pump!"

After his 'Activity Weekend' Uncle Reg was a changed man.

"He's taken it badly. Been a working dog all his life."

Skis with stabilisers.

Fish Tricks

'This is the Executive Assistants' warmup room.'

'He's notorious for pushing the envelope.'

'Who says you can't teach a new dog old tricks?'

"I'd like the mud and the hot rocks therapy. Tell me more about this slingshot treatment."

"This pose is excellent preparation for all those times when you have to stand on one foot with your arms above your head."

'What's this? Only a C minus in 'giving your paw'!'

'There's an APP that does those old tricks now.'

'YOU taught him to scratch at the door, so YOU let him in!'

Treadmills for people who miss the city.

"Listen, girl. Run into town and go to the sheriff's office. Then make a right. Find the liquor store and get a bottle of 2011 Napa. Do not get the Chilean Malbec you got last time. Hurry."

'I sure hope business picks up soon.'