Training Camp Comedians Gifts

'Welcome to boot camp. You'll be staying in hut two-three-four.'

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

'He just burst into my campsite, and broke my banjo!'

"Three more years of high school."

Harsh Mellows.

'It's a farton, fartoff lamp!'

'I considered running away, but since I'll probably be living at home until I'm 38, it's a bad career move.'

'I thought that 'remote gizmo' was just for manoeuvring the caravan down the drive!'

"Where are redactions when you need them?"

Robber on treadmill

"The first week of school is just review. You know. Scenes from last year's episode."

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

'You sure complain a lot for someone who says he loves nature.'

'Did anyone tell her we're from another planet?'

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

'For pity's sake stop that infernal humming!'

"Santa's not been happy with your behavior in class and says, get it together or your Christmas won't be merry!"

'Hello. My father is an attorney. This is how I allegedly spent my summer vacation.'

Pelobong

"I can count to 20...Without taking off my shoes."

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

"Wow! That's an amazing welding project!"

'Does the hunter I just ate make me look fat?'

"I don't mind them counting the days 'til school's out, but I wish they wouldn't do it on their fingers."

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

"I'm you, from the future, here to deliver a witty comeback line."

Excess Baggage: If your vacation plans include 'Getting Back to Nature' be careful what you wish for.

"Well, I thought I'd give fencing a try, but I sucked at it."

"Of course I love school...but I love no more cafeteria food more."

'ok, who threw that?'

'A beaver wearing a mountie hat riding a moose! Still think we haven't crossed into Canada?'

"OK, who can tell me why it's important to know stuff."

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'