Training Buff Gifts

"I told him he should have trained more."

'Young players have a tendency to forget fundamentals over the winter.'

'This training session is all about challenging assumptions. For example you see someone looking depressed, dishevelled, unkempt it's easy to jump to conclusions. But they may not be a social worker, they may be a client!'

Mike had learnt by heart the whole training manual, apart from the most important bit.

"This is where we practice our warning shots."

Gym. Instructor. Why do you want to learn kickboxing? I've always wanted to win a fight hands down!

'This summer, how does obedience camp sound?'

Today's seminar is going to be so much fun...

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

Muscles

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"We're exclusively delts."

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

"Wait! Don't start the chase now: I need to stretch first!:

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

Runner collapsing over the finishing line.

'We're looking for athletic people.'

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

7 brownies worth of exercise.

Keep Fit.

'C'mon, c'mon! I want to be the first one on the stair-climbing machine!'

"It's the cat doc, he scares me."

Woman forcing family to hike through hills.

'Hey, Bob, can you get this itch on my chin? It's driving me nuts.'

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

Humpty Dumpty in Occupational Therapy

'It's caused by doing too many wrist curls, overindulging in spinach and... Excuse me. Everyone in here - stat - if you want to see an actual case of 'Popeye Syndrome'!'

Showing gardening tools to a tower block.

'The buildings are merging.'

"How much could your mother bench?"

'You mean that I have to carry them to my car?'