Train Etiquette Enthusiast Pillows

"You ain't gitting on this train until I git off first."

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

Wife: 'Ah, honey.....why are you covered in raw fish and rice?' Husband: 'Oh I was running late for the 6:15 and got on a darn sush train by mistake!'

"Mommy, look! He's man-spreading!"

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

Replacement Bus Spotters.

'Anorak anoraks'.

I think I can, I think I can ... therefore I think I am...

A trevor of trainspotters

Visual Gag: An about to be married Bride using a real train as a wedding gown train

'We apologise for the delay to the yum-yum train.'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

Alice Through the Looking Glass - 'Tickets Please!'

'...but there MUST have been something about a rail go-slow on 'News at Ten'?'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"XIVth Street"

The next fast train has gone.

'Don't get up!'

'D'you have any salt?'

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'