Travel Etiquette Enthusiast Pillows

"Oh, good - you're skinny."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"Poop outside and he saves it in a bag. Crap on the carpet and he loses his mind."

"I hope he's wearing pants."

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

"OK, she's back. Just start slowly, and remember to ask her about herself."

'The Boss is coming to dinner tonight - please don't open a can of worms again.'

'I realize this is your first sales call, young man, but 15 minutes is way too long to shake hands.'

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

"I'm suffering the unbearable loneliness of being right on the internet."

'Manners are the noises you don't make while you eat.'

"A table for two? Would you like chairs with that, madam?"

"Donald, you’re in the C-suite now. No more smiley faces or exclamation points."

I'll have a hamburger.

"And a mild sedative for the kid behind me."

Man in elevator looking at sign that says 'Stare Here.'

"You ain't gitting on this train until I git off first."

"Eye contact is good, but eye contact without blinking is not."

First Church: Sunday's Topic - Thou Shalt Not Blog Against Thy Neighbour.'

"You're very courteous for a hog"

'Smoking section, please.'

"Our chef recommends I 'get a haircut and lose the wise-guy attitude.'"

"As I told you before, I do not allow smoking in my restaurant..."

'Hah, he bowed lower than I did.'

"He came out from behind his desk. We got 'em."

A guest departing a party.

"That time you realized your hashtags were longer than your message. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethingsWrongHere #spiritual-awakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #wontSome-bodyThink-of-The-Children?" "ERROR: You have exceeded the number of characters allowed." "That time you. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethings-WrongHere #spiritualawakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #

"The barking ... it has to stop."

Trolling on social media

"Before you go through the gates of heaven think back to the early days of the internet. Did you ever visit or post anything homophobic, racist or sexist? Tell me now or I will find out."

"How would you like me to answer that question? As a member of my ethnic group, educational class, income group, or religious category?"