Travel Etiquette Enthusiast Pillows

"Oh, good - you're skinny."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"Poop outside and he saves it in a bag. Crap on the carpet and he loses his mind."

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

"I hope he's wearing pants."

"I'm suffering the unbearable loneliness of being right on the internet."

'The Boss is coming to dinner tonight - please don't open a can of worms again.'

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

'I realize this is your first sales call, young man, but 15 minutes is way too long to shake hands.'

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

"OK, she's back. Just start slowly, and remember to ask her about herself."

'Manners are the noises you don't make while you eat.'

"Are you gentlemen ready to eat or would you like to bat your food around awhile?"

I'll have a hamburger.

"Donald, you’re in the C-suite now. No more smiley faces or exclamation points."

"A table for two? Would you like chairs with that, madam?"

'Smoking section, please.'

First Church: Sunday's Topic - Thou Shalt Not Blog Against Thy Neighbour.'

"You're very courteous for a hog"

"Our chef recommends I 'get a haircut and lose the wise-guy attitude.'"

"You ain't gitting on this train until I git off first."

"As I told you before, I do not allow smoking in my restaurant..."

Man in elevator looking at sign that says 'Stare Here.'

"And a mild sedative for the kid behind me."

"Eye contact is good, but eye contact without blinking is not."

'Hah, he bowed lower than I did.'

How Dogs Identify Themselves in Upscale Neighborhoods.

"Before you go through the gates of heaven think back to the early days of the internet. Did you ever visit or post anything homophobic, racist or sexist? Tell me now or I will find out."

A guest departing a party.

"The barking ... it has to stop."

Trolling on social media

Would it be rude if I didn't follow them all back?

"He came out from behind his desk. We got 'em."

"That time you realized your hashtags were longer than your message. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethingsWrongHere #spiritual-awakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #wontSome-bodyThink-of-The-Children?" "ERROR: You have exceeded the number of characters allowed." "That time you. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethings-WrongHere #spiritualawakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #