Airline Etiquette Enthusiast Pillows

"And a mild sedative for the kid behind me."

"Quit kicking our seat!"

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"Arr, we found your luggage, Captain."

"Poop outside and he saves it in a bag. Crap on the carpet and he loses his mind."

'Are we there yet! Are we there yet! Are we there yet!'

'Hmmph. Here's an ad for affordable housing five minutes from downtown. By what means? Learjet?'

"How's my tripping you up?"

Office computer: 'Thank you for not using me for personal business.'

'He's trying to figure out why airplanes get bigger while seats get smaller.'

Welcome to business class. Are you a member of big business or small business?

Going to Work. . .Coming Home

'The Boss is coming to dinner tonight - please don't open a can of worms again.'

Woman goes to Origami Airport.

"I know what the airlines charge to check a bag is outrageous, but. . ."

'There he goes over the bag limit again!'

'Wayne, your turn - Darren needs changing!'

'I realize this is your first sales call, young man, but 15 minutes is way too long to shake hands.'

Flight Crew Lockdown Check List

On the monitors behind the check-in desk: Arrivals/Departures/Donations

"And that one shows my frequent flier miles."

"We'll let you know when we find your luggage. Meanwhile, you qualified for our frequent lost luggage club."

"That's why you're so familiar, we flew together yesterday!"

"I can't believe they put us in dog class!"

"You have luggage? - Oh, we don't do LUGGAGE any more."

Excess Baggage: Meanwhile, back at baggage handlers university...

'Manners are the noises you don't make while you eat.'

"How many bags to check in, sir?" "Only one piece of hand luggage." (case in the shape of a giraffe).

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"As a frequent flier, you'll be entitled to stay in our airport lounge for up to a week during delays."

'Would yo like reading or non-reading?'

"Ladies and gentlemen, please direct your attention to the safety presentation. It's the only way you'll know the difference between the harmless scarlet kingsnake and the deadly Eastern coral snake."

'With my frequent flyer miles I was able to get a seat upgrade from the luggage compartment.'

"Donald, you’re in the C-suite now. No more smiley faces or exclamation points."

"So how are things back in economy?"