Traffic Pundit Pillows

Clamping

I'm deaf. Honk all you want.

'It's a slow trap.'

Lane restricted to cars with three or more persons at least one of whom is a woman or visible minority.

"Hey! Buddy! This is an interdimensional 4/3π way stop!"

'That's not the speed limit! It's the number of cameras in the area!'

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"Sorry! Traffic was awful and also I left really late."

"The people who hate trucks as environmentally destructive traffic obstacles and think that drivers are grubby idiots are waiting for their goods!"

Traffic Lights Medicine

Speed laws occasionally enforced.

"I would have been driven out of my mind if the lanes hadn't been closed."

Speed bump in honor of JD Yomp 1866-1957 - Inventor of Asphalt.

'Harold, your right turn signal is still 'on'.'

Snail Crossing.

Bumper sticker reads: 'I'd rather be text messaging.'

Visual Gag: Caution Goose Bump

"Move over, pardner, yer ridin' in the horsepool lane!"

"Wanting traffic to slow down, we don't post pothole warning signs."

A license plate that reads LIC-PLT

"Maybe we're taking the wrong approach to traffic data gathering..."

'Speeding? Of course I was speeding! I have to make over a billion deliveries in one night!'

'Look on the bright side, Officer, I've reduced the electrical consumption of an entire neighborhood.'

Move to Arizona.

'I'll do the talking.'

'I wasn't walking, officer. I was jogging.'

'You know when I was a kid, all the stoplights were in black and white. Pretty dang confusing, actually.'

Highway: tourist and resident traps.

'Our fare hike will leave service at the same level, just like guess what?'

UFO at the traffic lights...

"I don't care how it works where you come from....on this planet, the designated driver is the one who 'doesn't' drive!"

'Not so hard on the braking, Mrs. Buggins!'

This country is on the road to ruin!

'All roads may lead to Rome but so does all the road rage.'