Traffic Pundit Gifts

Clamping

I'm deaf. Honk all you want.

'It's a slow trap.'

Lane restricted to cars with three or more persons at least one of whom is a woman or visible minority.

The Mayor Alonzo Q. Furdweiller Pothole. Looks like the mayor and the city council are bickering again.

'That's not the speed limit! It's the number of cameras in the area!'

"Hey! Buddy! This is an interdimensional 4/3π way stop!"

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

"Sorry! Traffic was awful and also I left really late."

"The people who hate trucks as environmentally destructive traffic obstacles and think that drivers are grubby idiots are waiting for their goods!"

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

Traffic Lights Medicine

Speed bump in honor of JD Yomp 1866-1957 - Inventor of Asphalt.

Speed laws occasionally enforced.

"I would have been driven out of my mind if the lanes hadn't been closed."

'Harold, your right turn signal is still 'on'.'

Snail Crossing.

"Wanting traffic to slow down, we don't post pothole warning signs."

Bumper sticker reads: 'I'd rather be text messaging.'

Visual Gag: Caution Goose Bump

A license plate that reads LIC-PLT

"Move over, pardner, yer ridin' in the horsepool lane!"

"Maybe we're taking the wrong approach to traffic data gathering..."

'Speeding? Of course I was speeding! I have to make over a billion deliveries in one night!'

'Look on the bright side, Officer, I've reduced the electrical consumption of an entire neighborhood.'

Move to Arizona.

"I don't care how it works where you come from....on this planet, the designated driver is the one who 'doesn't' drive!"

'Our fare hike will leave service at the same level, just like guess what?'

UFO at the traffic lights...

This country is on the road to ruin!

'All roads may lead to Rome but so does all the road rage.'

'Not so hard on the braking, Mrs. Buggins!'

'I wasn't walking, officer. I was jogging.'

Highway: tourist and resident traps.

'I'll do the talking.'