Traditional Sports Enthusiast Gifts

"No fair!"

I like the Jets...I guess

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

If nobody had invented graphics

Football Chameleon

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

Mixed Doubles.

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

Monica Seles

Ratminton

"Let's get ready to bumble!"

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

A married couple share the same pole vault.

Gary turns 40.

Saving a Heart

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

A day at the transgenic races

Raheem Sterling

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"How should we divide the teams?"

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.