Traditional Sport Enthusiast Gifts

Matador

I like the Jets...I guess

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

If nobody had invented graphics

Football Chameleon

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

Monica Seles

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

Ratminton

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

A married couple share the same pole vault.

Saving a Heart

Gary turns 40.

"How should we divide the teams?"

A day at the transgenic races

Raheem Sterling

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

"Let's get ready to bumble!"