Trading Guru Gifts

'How do you become a day trading millionaire? Easy, just start out as a day trading billionaire.'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

Jack of all trades

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

The president's men

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'Progress of a bookshelf'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

Guy has framed 'first Yuan'

'If you're so smart, why don't you have some Index Funds in your portfolio?'

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

Will work for ETFs

The economy.

'Let's just wait here until the federal stimulus returns.'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

E.U. Banking Union.