Teaching Guru Gifts

"I'm desperate to hold on to our good teachers."

The trouble with education is everyone knows how to teach, but nobody knows how to learn.

Kirsten Johnson

Even while eating she developed exciting lesson plans for unexpected tests.

'I heard you're retiring and I wish you well. But before you go, will you do one thing for me...take me with?'

"I taught my dog to sit last night. That's one down, twenty eight to go."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'Hey! What's the big idea!?!'

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

Guru.

"When you say you're behind me 100%, do you mean base ten or binary?"

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

Great training inspires employees: 'I see myself doing you job before too long...'

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

Meeting Pie Chart

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

OM, SWEET OM

Bearded old man atop mountain.

"As for the meaning of life, it doesn't have to suck."

Just think of meditation as "mental floss." (Published previously on 3/17/2006.)

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'