Tradesman Gifts

'I don't care if they are cheaper...we're not using them!'

'I found the termites!'

'I don't care if they are cheaper...we're not using them!'

'So that's what it's for Ethel. It's somewhere to put their spirit level

'It's a quote from the builder...he says that the ?8500 will just about cover the cost of him coming over to laugh at us!'

Mixed Ability Brown, Landscape Gardener

'What do you mean, 'you can't fit me in until next month'?... This is your house!'

'Oh yes, Leonard's a fixit-it man. Only problem is, who'll fix it after him?'

'As it's immoral to pay cash, I've baked you a cake.'

Celebrity Cowboy Builders - As exposed on TV.

'Just a minute. How can I be sure you're not one of those 'cowboy builders'? '

'Dave... Your intimate apparel is showing.'

'Now there's a real pro! He can even nail while power napping.'

'Sorry, I'm afraid it was a false alarm. It turns out that 'the emergency gas leak' was my husband.'

Workman baptising his child J.C.B.

'I have some plaster left over. Do you want me to fill that crack?'

"I think the plumber wants his bill paid!"

We'll take a carpenter, painter, plumber...

'McWit never could build anything level.'

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

'I found the termites!'

The Meditating Electrician

'The plumber will be with you in between 5 and 1000 working days...'

'Now that you've got it running again, how do you stop it?'

Spot the ballcock

'It'll flush fine now - once you get the knack of it.'

Tools

'Oh yes, Leomard's a fixit-it man. Only problem is, who'll fix it after him?'

Plumbers Workwear

Hibernating bears in airing cupboard.

Gimme 400 rolls of duct tape.

Scaffolder

'I can't believe you've finished the whole room already. You're the quickets painter and decorator I've ever had.'

"I'm getting a slight draught through the double glazing, you fitted for me."

'Mother, it WAS smooth enough already.'