Trader Gifts

'Was it Nietzsche who said, whatever doesn't kill your portfolio makes it stronger?'

"On Wall Street today, the stock market corrected its previous correction, and is pretty sure it's got it right this time."

"I've hedged against inflation and I've hedged against deflation, but price stability could knock me for a loop."

"Sure, it may be great for us, but it's hell on the markets."

"Analysts blamed the market's volatility on computer-directed trading while computers blamed it on analyst-directed trading."

New York Stock Exchange: No Bulls or Bears were injured in today's trading.

"Forget the bloody glove for a moment; ignore all the arguments about the DNA evidence and try to remember that this case, after all, is about securities violations."

Colin could see that his competitor had obviously done his market research.

'How can it be insider trading if a little bird told me?'

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

Investor walks tightrope graph balancing risk and reward.

Handled all of my own investments

"Who's on duty today...you or me?"

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

'Should I buy or sell?'

'Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?'

"I'm in securities." "I'm in insecurities."

'All this internet trading has caused you to neglect your children!' 'What children?'

'This is better than magic beans, Jack. It's stock in the company that makes the magic beans.'

'Ready for another roll of the dice?'

"When do we all start frantically buying gold again?"

Blame the messenger.

'Don't mind him. He gets this wa every time they start talking about the inverse relationship between bond yields and prices.'

"Basically it makes the same mistakes we've always made - but it makes tham so much faster!"

Stock Market

'Unethical? What do you mean, unethical?'

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'Looks like you've lost your stomach for risk.'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

Middle computer

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

"On the foreign-exchange markets today, the dollar fell against all major currencies and the doughnut."

'Sorry, I can't explain derivatives trading either.'

'You go without me. I'm feeling a little down today.'