Touring Fan Gifts

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

The Vineyard

Our visit to the flan factory.

Bringing Your Child To The Bicycle Race

Leaning Tower of Pisa

"This isn't Dublin. It's not even Ireland. Repeat after me, dear: 'I'll never buy a second-hand sat nav as a bargain again.'"

"Yes, but this one is made of Chiclets."

"'Course I've seen one before...but never one that ate peanuts!"

'One chatterbox, a natter natter and two shhhhh's please.'

Cave Paintings Audio Guide

'Well, they're just like your mom's cookies if your mom is a 35 ton, multi-unit dough extruder.'

"These are wonderful, precious years before he learns that he's benefitting from institutional racism."

Pat's Bar, Rotgut Tasting 5-7.

'Has he been out with your mother by any chance?'

The successful rubbernecker...

On holiday...

Historic and Modern Bath

"He didn't do squat for cats."

Going to the pub with kids...

'My doctor wants me to cut back on road salt.'

For services to Tourism. . .

"Just how powerful of a fan did you put in your computer?"

'If anybody's gotta go, this is the time to speak up.'

A heat wave threatens an old woman.

"Whoever said there ain't no such thing as a free lunch obviously has never circled around a highway."

Bernard Hinault

'Those aren't smoke rings... they're Hawaiian Leis.'

'Honestly Fred, we're only here for the day trip.'

There's a fork in the road.

Heat Wave Podium

Animals crossing (to get to the Ark).