Toupee Aficionado Gifts

"Well, okay, but it's got to go if I start hearing any belligerent tweets."

"States of tofu"

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

"Here's to East, West, South and Bridgehampton, and all the little Hamptons in between."

Prosecco

Express Barber Chair. 10 Hairs or Less

"I can't party like I used to, I've got enough Tupperware"

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

'He's wearing a toupee.'

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

'I'm a simple man really beneath the code words and the black ops and the multitude of fake passports.'

Ha! Musical fruit my patootie...

"That's closer to the shade of taupe I want, but it's still not quite right!"

Bouncer.

"I don't know art, but I know what I like."

(Hey! Great chops!)

'Must have had bad weather at the Artist's Colony. All the claims start with 'It was a dark and stormy night.''

"There were days he could kill for a piece of tofu."

"Mike, I know you're happy with your new toupee, but I really think it's something that you should keep under you hat."

Singles Night: 'No, no, it's not you, the problem's with me - it's just that I'm cursed with good taste.'

'More versatile than you think - the building is made of tofu.'

Penguins shopping for new clothes

"Your Honor this is Exhibit A in the Wallenda Paternity suit."

Psychiatrist's patient plays trumpet.

The Lord giveth. The Lord taketh away. Joe giveth back.

Man in tuxedo afraid to fire his gun.

'Which wine should I serve with tofu meat loaf and seaweed salad?'

Moments before Neville found his meaning,

"Sorry, Tom, but when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail."

'Please stand by. Our Newscaster has lost his toupee.'

"I didn't know you were pigeon toed Bert"

Tired of being called a 'Bald Eagle,' Alan finally springs for that toupee.