Touchdown Theologian Gifts

Super Bowl Sunday sermon: "Is it better to kick off or receive?"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

At the 2021 Religious Games

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Input From The Front Office

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

American Football.

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

'He's checking with his agent to see if it's okay to score a try!'

"Oh, wait. He's on their side."

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

"Let's do exactly what these pundits in the halftime report said we should do. If we lose, we'll blame them!"

'He hibernates between superbowls.'

At least Sunday is still a holy day.

"During Lent we must share with poor children what we have in abundance."

Friendly fire!

'Whoa! Don't try to be a hero. It's too late for Dan, but let this be a lesson...'

Football

"A four-year, $60 million contract and he can't even do a decent end-zone dance!"

"Sometimes I think all this post game analysis has gone too far."

'Get the stretcher! He's got a mole on his leg that looks a little funky!!'

'No slapping, Wilson! We don't start full-contact drills until tomorrow!'

Just sitting here kicking field goals (smiley face emoji)

'Look up... Look down... Look at my thumb. Gee, You're...'

"You call it 'faith in God' when your faith is really in the humans who interpret what other humans wrote. Which was edited, revised, and translated by other humans. And was originally based on stories other humans orally passed from one generation of humans to the next, about events yet other humans claimed to have witnessed thousands of years ago."

Cummings and goings.

'We're a coalition force, ref.'

'Upon further review, the ruling on the field is upheld. The catch was totally constitutional. Touchdown!'

'That was some hit!'

"I take serious offense to their offense. And I am feeling very defensive about our defense. Would somebody give me a damn hug? Now Please?"

"Okay, let's celebrate this touchdown and try not to disappoint our new offensive choreographer."