Touchdown Theologian Pillows

Super Bowl Sunday sermon: "Is it better to kick off or receive?"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

At the 2021 Religious Games

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Input From The Front Office

American Football.

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

What Does God Know?

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

'He's checking with his agent to see if it's okay to score a try!'

"Let's do exactly what these pundits in the halftime report said we should do. If we lose, we'll blame them!"

"Oh, wait. He's on their side."

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

"You're back! You're really back...!"

At least Sunday is still a holy day.

'He hibernates between superbowls.'

"Junior, there's more to life than winning. There's also getting compensation for closed-head injuries."

"During Lent we must share with poor children what we have in abundance."

Friendly fire!

"A four-year, $60 million contract and he can't even do a decent end-zone dance!"

'Whoa! Don't try to be a hero. It's too late for Dan, but let this be a lesson...'

Just sitting here kicking field goals (smiley face emoji)

The Hen Commandments.

Football

"Sometimes I think all this post game analysis has gone too far."

'No slapping, Wilson! We don't start full-contact drills until tomorrow!'

'Get the stretcher! He's got a mole on his leg that looks a little funky!!'

'Look up... Look down... Look at my thumb. Gee, You're...'

"You call it 'faith in God' when your faith is really in the humans who interpret what other humans wrote. Which was edited, revised, and translated by other humans. And was originally based on stories other humans orally passed from one generation of humans to the next, about events yet other humans claimed to have witnessed thousands of years ago."

'Upon further review, the ruling on the field is upheld. The catch was totally constitutional. Touchdown!'

Cummings and goings.

'That was some hit!'

'We're a coalition force, ref.'

"I take serious offense to their offense. And I am feeling very defensive about our defense. Would somebody give me a damn hug? Now Please?"