Touchdown Storyteller Gifts

Football on field mugging.

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Input From The Front Office

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

"Football is too dangerous, Junior. Why not follow my footsteps in a safe sport - chasing investment yield?"

American Football.

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

Punishment for the kicker.

'He's checking with his agent to see if it's okay to score a try!'

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

"Let's do exactly what these pundits in the halftime report said we should do. If we lose, we'll blame them!"

"Oh, wait. He's on their side."

'My turn! Kick me next!!'

'He hibernates between superbowls.'

At least Sunday is still a holy day.

Little Known Historical Fact: After regaining consciousness at the last minute, Davey Crockett's coonskin cap went on to become the Alamo's only survivor.

Friendly fire!

"Sometimes I think all this post game analysis has gone too far."

'Get the stretcher! He's got a mole on his leg that looks a little funky!!'

'No slapping, Wilson! We don't start full-contact drills until tomorrow!'

Football

Just sitting here kicking field goals (smiley face emoji)

"A four-year, $60 million contract and he can't even do a decent end-zone dance!"

'Whoa! Don't try to be a hero. It's too late for Dan, but let this be a lesson...'

"I must have hit 20 home runs!"

'Look up... Look down... Look at my thumb. Gee, You're...'

Super Bowl Sunday sermon: "Is it better to kick off or receive?"

Head Coach, Offensive Coordinator, Post-Touchdown Choreographer

"Okay, let's celebrate this touchdown and try not to disappoint our new offensive choreographer."

'We're a coalition force, ref.'