Touchdown Texter Pillows

'Just made a pass. I'm running for the end zone.'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Input From The Front Office

"Football is too dangerous, Junior. Why not follow my footsteps in a safe sport - chasing investment yield?"

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

American Football.

Punishment for the kicker.

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

'He's checking with his agent to see if it's okay to score a try!'

"Let's do exactly what these pundits in the halftime report said we should do. If we lose, we'll blame them!"

"So this is what you do all day on your cell phone? Punching in letters...one by one...sending dirty messages to your friends?"

"Oh, wait. He's on their side."

'He hibernates between superbowls.'

At least Sunday is still a holy day.

'My turn! Kick me next!!'

Friendly fire!

'Whoa! Don't try to be a hero. It's too late for Dan, but let this be a lesson...'

Just sitting here kicking field goals (smiley face emoji)

Football

Girl reads a book called Speed Texting For Everyday Use

'No slapping, Wilson! We don't start full-contact drills until tomorrow!'

'Get the stretcher! He's got a mole on his leg that looks a little funky!!'

"Sometimes I think all this post game analysis has gone too far."

'Look up... Look down... Look at my thumb. Gee, You're...'

Super Bowl Sunday sermon: "Is it better to kick off or receive?"

"I just sent a penny to your bank account for your thoughts."

'Upon further review, the ruling on the field is upheld. The catch was totally constitutional. Touchdown!'

'That was some hit!'

'What's the text abbreviation for 'yippee yippee yo, yippee yay, yippee yo kai aye?'

"I take serious offense to their offense. And I am feeling very defensive about our defense. Would somebody give me a damn hug? Now Please?"

"Okay, let's celebrate this touchdown and try not to disappoint our new offensive choreographer."